This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things: 2014

Friday 12 December 2014

What time is it?

Danny and I were sleeping early this morning and we heard little footsteps in our room.

Danny: What are you doing in here?

S: I just want to sleep wif you guys.

Danny: What time is it?

S: 43 and 8.

Danny: Get in here.

Wednesday 26 November 2014

Good Question

D: Sam hit me.

Me: Did you tell him you didn't like it and ask him to stop?

D: Yes.

Me: No you didn't.

D: How do you know?

Me: Because I can hear you.

D: Then why did you ask?

Thursday 6 November 2014

My Pin-gina

S: Ow, my pingina.

Me: You don't have a vagina.

S: My pingina.

Me: You still don't have a vagina.

S: I have a penis!

Me: That's right.

S: Hey, penis starts with a puh, puh sound!

Me: Yes it does.

Monday 3 November 2014

Unnecessary Roughness

K: So what did you do at school today?

D: Sometimes I just need to slap myself in the face a few times before I remember.

Saturday 1 November 2014

More like a girl...

Sam picked up the face paint we used for his costume yesterday and told me that I needed more makeup to look more like a girl. I don't think he's destined to be a cosmetician.

Wednesday 29 October 2014

Boys

Me: Guys I need you to listen. It's time to walk to school.

Daniel: That's right. We can't act like wild animals. (Pause) That's for recess.

Thursday 23 October 2014

Today

- The children got up at 4 am. AGAIN!

- Sam pooped his pants twice this morning - once as we were about to leave the house - so we were late for school and had to sign in at the office.

- My joints are falling apart. I forgot to take my meds for a few days and now everything hurts. Also I have ringworm. Hooray! I'm pretty sure I can blame the kids but I'm not sure how. Oh! And I'm pretty sure I have a sinus infection.

- Sam peed his pants at the sitters house and she was out of spare clothes for him.

- We drove to ball hockey and forgot running shoes x2.

- Sam ran around at ball hockey trying to trip all of the kids with his stick (his own team and the other team.)

- When Sam stopped trying to trip the kids he lay down on the rink and wouldn't get up. The coach (who is 70 if he is a day) tried to lift him up but he went limp. He was escorted from the rink.

Saturday 11 October 2014

Sam says to tell you "stop colouring sharks" but that has nothing to do with this post...

Danny: "You know all your stories can't be about poop, right?"

And on that note...

We went to the market with my mom this morning and went to the grocery store afterwards.

The boys were playing Marco Polo in and out of the Joe Fresh clothes racks. When i told them we were leaving the clothes section Sam was walking funny. I asked him if he pooped his pants and he said yes.

We went across to the other side of the store and upstairs to the bathrooms. He had poop half way to his ankles by then. I cleaned him up and washed his hands (and the rest of him the best I could.)

I got him dressed again and we went back downstairs to finish shopping. Literally two minutes later Daniel said "I have to go to the bathroom!" Then Sam said "Me too!"

We found a slightly closer bathroom and I said to Daniel "Let Sam go first because we know he doesn't have to go poop because he just pooped in his pants."

Daniel: "No he didn't. He shit his pants!"

Saturday 4 October 2014

A New Car

The thought of owning a vehicle that isn't a piece of junk kind of gives me panic attacks.

But my van is literally falling apart - it is so rusty parts of the body regularly fall off, you have to hold the steering wheel slightly to the left if you want to go straight, and it feels strange when I brake - like it does not brake with the same force all the way around the tire. For some reason Danny doesn't feel comfortable that me and the boys are safe driving taround his gem around any more. RIP Dan the Van.

Meet Bessy, who should come home later this week. Cue panic attack.

http://www.guelphcitymazda.com/vehicle/2013-Mazda-Mazda5-Guelph-1176248.html