tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74161608733146458322024-02-20T23:20:17.320-05:00This Is Why We Can't Have Nice ThingsThe adventures of parenting two beautiful, sweet, crazy little <strike>assholes</strike> boys.KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.comBlogger177125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-22614239630434153822016-08-12T21:41:00.001-04:002016-08-12T21:44:39.773-04:00Call 1-900-Mix-a-lotI let the boys each have a treat of orange pop today. I asked Daniel if I could have a sip of his and he let me because he knows that, even though I hardly ever drink it, I love me some Orange Crush. <div><br></div><div>D: Woah. This has 160 calories in it. </div><div>Me: Yup. </div><div>D: Maybe that's why your butts so big!</div>KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-58727585568560243852016-08-01T13:44:00.001-04:002016-08-01T13:44:27.190-04:00BeautifulMe: These are pictures of Auntie Danna and Uncle Chris' wedding. <div>Sam: Ha. Boobies. Boobies are funny. </div>KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-43242629235811914602016-06-29T23:26:00.001-04:002016-06-29T23:26:24.321-04:00My Shoe-per KidSam wore his Crocs in the tub last night. <div>He wore his socks and shoes to bed tonight. Nothing else.</div>KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-81466255210438324242016-06-23T11:09:00.000-04:002016-06-23T11:09:02.128-04:00I'm Raising a SmartassWe were driving and saw a sign advertising a "Classy Trunk Sale". <br />
<br />
Danny: I have no idea what a classy trunk sale is.<br />
<div>
Daniel: Probably a trunk sale that's classy. </div>
KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-13616277321676713272016-06-16T07:26:00.001-04:002016-06-16T07:26:55.848-04:00Sassy MonkeyMe: Sam, why did you bring three mailbags home from school? One of them isn't even yours. <div>Sam: Mom, you should mind your own beeswax. </div><div>Me: Your beeswax IS my beeswax. Go eat breakfast!</div>KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-29675207035898492842016-06-06T07:56:00.001-04:002016-06-06T07:56:39.236-04:00Dirty DigitsMe: Did you wash your hands?<div>S: No. </div><div>Me: You put your finger in your bum, you need to wash your hands. </div><div>S: I got it off with the wipe. </div><div>Me: Go wash your hands with soap and water. </div>KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-88482132079084074052016-03-07T09:58:00.003-05:002016-03-07T09:58:48.685-05:00I Think I'm Being ConnedS: In the summer I'm ticklish<br />
<div>
Me: But in the winter you're not?</div>
<div>
S: Yup. Only in the summer.<br />
<br />
I better try twice as hard, just to make sure. </div>
KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-59577900675823008092016-03-04T10:45:00.001-05:002016-03-04T10:45:25.260-05:00Stranger Danger I was sending Daniel to the bathroom in Walmart by himself.<br />
Wanting him to be safe, I said to him - "what are the rules?"<br />
<br />
D: Don't go with anybody. (pause) But if someone gives me a video game I'll just take it. Because it's in their pocket.<br />
<div>
Me: No.</div>
KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-82446179235927791512016-02-20T07:56:00.001-05:002016-03-01T13:34:15.388-05:00Tears of a clownSam was crying and then all of the sudden he got hysterical. I asked him what was wrong. <div><br></div><div>S: I'm really sad I can never catch my tears. <div>Me: What are you trying to catch them with?</div><div>S: My tongue. <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">They always go wide.</span></div><div>Me: Why are you trying to catch them?</div><div>Sam: Because they really taste weird and I like to catch them. <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">And I never seem to catch them - they always go wide. Why can my tongue not go wide?</span></div></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">My boy has big dreams. </span></div>KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-16006263814951685432016-02-19T21:44:00.001-05:002016-02-19T21:44:33.063-05:00My wordsmithSam was writing a 'book'. <div><br></div><div>S: I'm going to be the illustrator. </div><div>Me: Are you going to be the writer AND the illustrator?</div><div>S: What's a writer?</div><div>Me: The person who writes the story. </div><div>S: Oh. You mean the author. </div><div><br></div><div>I got schooled. </div>KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-82118516558540914882016-02-19T21:39:00.001-05:002016-02-23T07:22:31.953-05:00Tears of a ClownSam was crying and Daniel was curious...<div><br></div><div>D: Do your tears taste good?<div>S: Yeah. But they also taste weird. </div></div>KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-86728244898781977322016-02-05T16:00:00.001-05:002016-02-05T16:00:51.258-05:00Snack timeS: Some people have brown skin and some people have white skin. (pause) If you eat too much chocolate your skin turns brown.<br />
<br />
Apparently i've been trying REALLY hard to turn my skin brown. It isn't working.KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-38180731248912109812016-01-13T09:27:00.002-05:002016-01-13T09:27:23.371-05:00Carn-omnivoreD to Me: I bet you like to get snuggles as much as I like meat.<br />
<br />
By the way he was tearing through the chicken balls last night I like snuggles A LOT. KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-15131040062082241872016-01-06T13:51:00.001-05:002016-01-06T13:51:15.247-05:00Naughty BoyS: If you be on the naughtly list you get a rock for Christmas.<br />
<br />
I asked him what someone would do with a rock if they got that for Christmas and he said very matter-of-factly "put it with their rock collection."<br />
<br />
Duh. Of course.KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-16775945410743433992016-01-03T10:06:00.001-05:002016-01-03T11:28:24.678-05:00I don't know how he got this way<div>This kid was seriously the worst baby ever - he cried all the time and the highlight of my day was when someone came over and took him away from me for even five minutes. And I felt like a horrible person for hating this screaming bundle of "joy". </div><div><br></div><div>This is what he said to me this morning:</div><div><br></div>"I always feel like my heart is a puzzle and everyone I love is a piece and you're the final piece that make the puzzle complete."KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-64371761355660955152015-12-24T10:36:00.006-05:002015-12-24T10:36:47.087-05:00Mr CleanI was arguing with Sam about cleaning up his toys...<br />
<br />
S: I can't because my arms are tired of picking up cars.<br />Me: Are you going to clean up the cars or are you going to sit on the steps?<br />
S: (exasperated) Oh for the love of Pete!KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-66481787724551132292015-12-15T22:33:00.001-05:002015-12-15T22:33:24.786-05:00Lost & FoundThe school cleans out their lost and found a few times a year. Right now they have everything laid out on a few tables in the hallway by the office. I happened to be walking by the tables and I thought I'd have a quick look, just in case. <div><br><div>I found three sweaters, two shirts and a pair of mitts. </div><div><br></div><div>I wish I knew who I could blame for this but they both wear each others clothing so no such luck. </div><div><br><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpoGZhjqaar3SwEyLGo0hnuYuETPmXg7D4jTcdZFkJgVU-nZFspITj-TxNF-jGRWbp3s7ABm3ti7Rl7oX3wZ8zm0RhCQ4mq9uF6HzcigSNwyyJ5iS4Z8UGhWRsSj19R5cqE07ZsY1WzVyq/s640/blogger-image--2032274395.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpoGZhjqaar3SwEyLGo0hnuYuETPmXg7D4jTcdZFkJgVU-nZFspITj-TxNF-jGRWbp3s7ABm3ti7Rl7oX3wZ8zm0RhCQ4mq9uF6HzcigSNwyyJ5iS4Z8UGhWRsSj19R5cqE07ZsY1WzVyq/s640/blogger-image--2032274395.jpg"></a></div><br></div></div></div>KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-11834884766764844022015-12-09T07:01:00.001-05:002015-12-09T07:01:09.853-05:00Alone TimeDec 9, 2011 (Sam 1 yr, Daniel 3 yrs)<div><br></div><div><div>Me: Daniel, Sammy is waving goodnight. Are you going to wave goodnight to him?</div><div>D: (In the bath) No.</div><div>Me: Why not?</div><div>D: I'm just playing with my balls. </div><div>Me: You know that is something you need to do when you're by yourself. That's private. </div><div>D: Can you leave please?</div></div>KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-56412249469363613602015-12-07T14:49:00.000-05:002015-12-07T14:49:43.884-05:00My HandymanI was completely out of window washer fluid and, as I was driving with the boys, I realized that Danny filled it up for me.<br />
<br />
<i>Me: I'm a lucky lady. Daddy fixed it for me!</i><br />
<i>Daniel: Daddy is lucky too.</i><br />
<i>Me: Why is that?</i><br />
<i>Daniel: He had enough skills to trick you into marrying him.</i><br />
<br />
The boy is wise beyond his years.KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-55813522904372274012015-12-03T16:26:00.001-05:002015-12-03T16:26:27.103-05:00Aqua ManDaniel was trying to help danny decide which superhero he should be.<br />
<br />
D: I think you should be aqua man because he's better and he has big nipples.KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-21285409313087728442015-12-01T14:15:00.002-05:002015-12-01T14:15:32.881-05:00Bottoms UpNov 30, 2013<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<div>
<i>D: You got a gigantic butt.</i></div>
<div>
<i>Me: Uh. Ok. </i></div>
<div>
<i>D: It's the biggest butt in the whole world. </i></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Its a good thing he likes fat people.</div>
</div>
KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-2560843011750149462015-11-27T18:02:00.001-05:002015-11-28T18:41:56.070-05:00The land down underI had to tell Sam not to stick his finger in the cats butthole today.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
That is all. Goodnight.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYgTgP7fKqVvo5wyZi-gb7iwAK5-5-BGlsds6XpSt30XhehBkJAkkk1Di-bxEYd0FwDHwhzOmV7yseXjyPQNbAd3ZjG4Ee5Ew7-xr6_mGuqcr2rqrKCXpl_WxK-dSa-NWzjXppCRGeoIwq/s1600/IMG_7058.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYgTgP7fKqVvo5wyZi-gb7iwAK5-5-BGlsds6XpSt30XhehBkJAkkk1Di-bxEYd0FwDHwhzOmV7yseXjyPQNbAd3ZjG4Ee5Ew7-xr6_mGuqcr2rqrKCXpl_WxK-dSa-NWzjXppCRGeoIwq/s320/IMG_7058.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
"This is my shoo away sadness stick."</div>
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-91442325567242604442015-11-27T10:39:00.002-05:002015-11-27T10:39:43.637-05:00Morning SnugglesD: I don't want to hurt Dad's feelings but you're my favourite person to snuggle with in this bed. And not because you're floppy (read: squishy). I just feel you're emanating more love.KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-88066261621970157502015-11-24T21:20:00.004-05:002015-11-24T21:20:58.200-05:00Wanker<br />
<div class="clearfix _5x46" style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 11px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_3dp _29k" style="display: table-cell; vertical-align: top; width: 10000px;">
<div class="_6a" style="display: inline-block;">
<div class="_6a _6b" style="display: inline-block; vertical-align: middle;">
<div class="_5pcp" style="color: #9197a3; position: relative;">
<span class="fsm fwn fcg"><a class="_5pcq" href="https://www.facebook.com/kelly.slessor/posts/10151325476815763" style="color: #9197a3; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;" target="">24 November 2012 </a></span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="_5pbx userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="js_l" style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.38; overflow: hidden;">
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_56551a17edd620b51066684" style="display: inline;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 6px;">
Danny: Is that a girl?<br />Me: George Michaels? No. You don't know who George Micheals is?<br />Danny: I think I do. Did he sing Faith?<br />Me: Yes.<br />Danny: And did he get arrested for wanking?<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><br />Me: Yes. But I don't know if he was alone.<br />Danny: Huh? Like he was where other people were, or he was with other people?<br />Me: Well with another person at least.<br />Danny: Is he gay?</span></div>
<div class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 6px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 6px;">
REALLY???????</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7416160873314645832.post-20761397673688790012015-11-22T06:19:00.001-05:002015-11-22T06:19:49.678-05:00Last (Years) Supper<div>Nov 22, 2014</div><div><br></div><div><i>Sam has requested for his birthday dinner tomorrow:</i></div><div><i><br></i></div><div><i>- Kraft Dinner</i></div><div><i>- French Fries</i></div><div><i>- Roast Beef</i></div><div><i>- Meatballs</i></div><div><i>- Cheese Strings</i></div><div><i><br></i></div><div>The little shit didn't even touch the roast. </div>KDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17769070163981074902noreply@blogger.com0