Poor Pooch

Sam: After breakfast can you play 'Catch the Dog' with me? Because I want you to catch the dog.

Sweet nothings

Me: I love you.
Sam: Pac-Man is yellow.

Good talk.

Mmmmmmm. Minty.

D: I can taste pain.

Me: You can? I thought you could taste fear. 

D: I can't taste fear, I can taste pain. It tastes salty. 

Me: Does it taste like salty meat?

D: It tastes salty. With a little bit of mint. 

Where does he come up with this shit??!?!

Stuffie

Sam came into our room at 6 a.m. The other morning to let us know that he changed the name of his stuffed puppy to Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer. 

Fear

D: I can taste fear. 

Me: Yeah?

D: it tastes salty. 

Me: It does?

D: It tastes like salty meat. 

Birthday Party

Sam: I'm gonna invite marble to my birthday cause hers my favourite cat!

Heaven

Sam: I want to die and go to heaven. 

Me: Maybe when you're older. 

Sam: Oh! Maybe you and me and daddy and Daniel can all go to heaven!

I think he over-estimates my character. 

Ultimatum

Sam came into our room early in the morning and wanted a toy he had left on Danny's nightstand. We told him no, and that he needed to go back to bed.

S: Give it to me or I am going to walk away!

Me: Ok. Sounds good. 

He needs to work on this threats.

Sore Loser

Danny and Sam were racing.

S: If you win the golden piston cup I'm going to smash it and then it will be mine.

The Zombies Are Coming

Danny started laughing and I asked what was funny.

D: I guess Daniel made listening ears at school. He drew some sort of superhero battle on them. 

Daniel: No! A zombie launched a missile into a building and the other guy's brain exploded and the zombie ate the brain. 

Meow

Daniel was petting the cat. She was making cat noises.

Daniel: I can't believe I understanded her. It's like I have this cat side of me. I can't believe I know what she says.

Deep Thoughts 3

Sam: I wish I could grow a mustache out my nose so i could be Luigi.

Broccoli Soup

Danny: What would you like to eat? Broccoli soup?
Sam: I gived it up for Lent.
Me: Lent is over, bud.
Sam: I gived it up for Lent.

I'm not sure he gets the concept.

Poor Marble

Sam: She's like a tiger.

Me: Yes she is. She's like a small tiger. 

Sam: I want to put a white tiger costume on her!

Me: Um, ok. I'm not really sure she'd like that. 

Danny: White Tiger is a character from Spider-Man. 

Sam: I want to put a White Tiger costume on her. 

Me: I'm still not sure she's going to go for that. 

Pound it

Sam had advised me that he taught the cat to do a Spider-Man fist bump.

Stinker

Sam was sitting in my lap and farted.

Me: What was that??!?!

Sam: I just did some magic. 

Me: What was magic about that?

Sam: I like to giggle. 

Sometimes I wonder if we're both in the same conversation. 

I'm cold just watching him

This is the weather...

And this is my child outside playing with his friends...

They invented a game where they swung the swing at each other and if you got hit you took off an article of clothing. Weirdos. 

Things I never thought I'd have to say to someone - 2

To Sam: "If you had been listening you never would have had your underwear taken away and ended up in a timeout."