Call 1-900-Mix-a-lot

I let the boys each have a treat of orange pop today. I asked Daniel if I could have a sip of his and he let me because he knows that, even though I hardly ever drink it, I love me some Orange Crush. 

D: Woah. This has 160 calories in it. 

Me: Yup. 

D: Maybe that's why your butts so big!

Beautiful

Me: These are pictures of Auntie Danna and Uncle Chris' wedding. 

Sam: Ha. Boobies. Boobies are funny. 

My Shoe-per Kid

Sam wore his Crocs in the tub last night. 

He wore his socks and shoes to bed tonight. Nothing else.

I'm Raising a Smartass

We were driving and saw a sign advertising a "Classy Trunk Sale".

Danny: I have no idea what a classy trunk sale is.

Daniel: Probably a trunk sale that's classy. 

Sassy Monkey

Me: Sam, why did you bring three mailbags home from school? One of them isn't even yours. 

Sam: Mom, you should mind your own beeswax. 

Me: Your beeswax IS my beeswax. Go eat breakfast!

Dirty Digits

Me: Did you wash your hands?

S: No. 

Me: You put your finger in your bum, you need to wash your hands. 

S: I got it off with the wipe. 

Me: Go wash your hands with soap and water. 

I Think I'm Being Conned

S: In the summer I'm ticklish

Me: But in the winter you're not?

S: Yup. Only in the summer.

I better try twice as hard, just to make sure.

Stranger Danger

I was sending Daniel to the bathroom in Walmart by himself.
Wanting him to be safe, I said to him - "what are the rules?"

D: Don't go with anybody. (pause) But if someone gives me a video game I'll just take it. Because it's in their pocket.

Me: No.

Tears of a clown

Sam was crying and then all of the sudden he got hysterical. I asked him what was wrong. 

S: I'm really sad I can never catch my tears. 

Me: What are you trying to catch them with?

S: My tongue. They always go wide.

Me: Why are you trying to catch them?

Sam: Because they really taste weird and I like to catch them. And I never seem to catch them - they always go wide. Why can my tongue not go wide?

My boy has big dreams. 

My wordsmith

Sam was writing a 'book'. 

S: I'm going to be the illustrator. 

Me: Are you going to be the writer AND the illustrator?

S: What's a writer?

Me: The person who writes the story. 

S: Oh. You mean the author. 

I got schooled.