Mr Clean

I was arguing with Sam about cleaning up his toys...

S: I can't because my arms are tired of picking up cars.
Me: Are you going to clean up the cars or are you going to sit on the steps?
S: (exasperated) Oh for the love of Pete!

Lost & Found

The school cleans out their lost and found a few times a year. Right now they have everything laid out on a few tables in the hallway by the office. I happened to be walking by the tables and I thought I'd have a quick look, just in case. 

I found three sweaters, two shirts and a pair of mitts. 

I wish I knew who I could blame for this but they both wear each others clothing so no such luck. 

Alone Time

Dec 9, 2011 (Sam 1 yr, Daniel 3 yrs)

Me: Daniel, Sammy is waving goodnight. Are you going to wave goodnight to him?

D: (In the bath) No.

Me: Why not?

D: I'm just playing with my balls. 

Me: You know that is something you need to do when you're by yourself. That's private. 

D: Can you leave please?

My Handyman

I was completely out of window washer fluid and, as I was driving with the boys, I realized that Danny filled it up for me.

Me: I'm a lucky lady. Daddy fixed it for me!
Daniel: Daddy is lucky too.
Me: Why is that?
Daniel: He had enough skills to trick you into marrying him.

The boy is wise beyond his years.

Aqua Man

Daniel was trying to help danny decide which superhero he should be.

D: I think you should be aqua man because he's better and he has big nipples.

Bottoms Up

Nov 30, 2013

D: You got a gigantic butt.

Me: Uh. Ok. 

D: It's the biggest butt in the whole world. 

Its a good thing he likes fat people.