The land down under

I had to tell Sam not to stick his finger in the cats butthole today.

That is all. Goodnight.

"This is my shoo away sadness stick."

Morning Snuggles

D: I don't want to hurt Dad's feelings but you're my favourite person to snuggle with in this bed. And not because you're floppy (read: squishy). I just feel you're emanating more love.

Wanker

24 November 2012 

Danny: Is that a girl?
Me: George Michaels? No. You don't know who George Micheals is?
Danny: I think I do. Did he sing Faith?
Me: Yes.
Danny: And did he get arrested for wanking?
Me: Yes. But I don't know if he was alone.
Danny: Huh? Like he was where other people were, or he was with other people?
Me: Well with another person at least.
Danny: Is he gay?

REALLY???????

Last (Years) Supper

Nov 22, 2014

Sam has requested for his birthday dinner tomorrow:

- Kraft Dinner

- French Fries

- Roast Beef

- Meatballs

- Cheese Strings

The little shit didn't even touch the roast. 

Just like his mama

Sam: I can't say the F word to you.
Me: What?!
Sam: I can't say the F word to you.
Me: You can't say the F word to anyone.

Sam: But when I'm growed up I can.

Me: Yes you can.

Sam: I can say the F word to anyone!

Me: And you can deal with the consequences.

Sam: (excited) Because when I'm a grown up I get to make the rules!

Me: Yes you do. 

*(not my kid)

Play Safe, Kids

Danny told me that Sam's bike helmet was too small and he'd need a new one next year. Sam overheard..

S: Do they have a broccoli one?
(pause)
S: If not it can be a cheese one.

PS - This is what happens when you google "broccoli bike helmet".

Nope

Sam: Carrots are like Cheezies but they're different. They're fruit.

Urine trouble now, young man!

I seriously just stopped sam from peeing on the cat because he wanted to see her change colour.

Me: Sam, why did you think that cat would change colour when you peed on her?
D: When your hair gets wetted your hair becomes darker.
Me: Was that it Sam?
S: Yup. That was my plan - to pee on the cat and see if she turned darker.

Poor Marble.

Halloween

S: I like having little mom chicken pumpkins.

I have no idea.