I'm Raising a Smartass

We were driving and saw a sign advertising a "Classy Trunk Sale".

Danny: I have no idea what a classy trunk sale is.

Daniel: Probably a trunk sale that's classy. 

Sassy Monkey

Me: Sam, why did you bring three mailbags home from school? One of them isn't even yours. 

Sam: Mom, you should mind your own beeswax. 

Me: Your beeswax IS my beeswax. Go eat breakfast!

Dirty Digits

Me: Did you wash your hands?

S: No. 

Me: You put your finger in your bum, you need to wash your hands. 

S: I got it off with the wipe. 

Me: Go wash your hands with soap and water. 

I Think I'm Being Conned

S: In the summer I'm ticklish

Me: But in the winter you're not?

S: Yup. Only in the summer.

I better try twice as hard, just to make sure.

Stranger Danger

I was sending Daniel to the bathroom in Walmart by himself.
Wanting him to be safe, I said to him - "what are the rules?"

D: Don't go with anybody. (pause) But if someone gives me a video game I'll just take it. Because it's in their pocket.

Me: No.

Tears of a clown

Sam was crying and then all of the sudden he got hysterical. I asked him what was wrong. 

S: I'm really sad I can never catch my tears. 

Me: What are you trying to catch them with?

S: My tongue. They always go wide.

Me: Why are you trying to catch them?

Sam: Because they really taste weird and I like to catch them. And I never seem to catch them - they always go wide. Why can my tongue not go wide?

My boy has big dreams. 

My wordsmith

Sam was writing a 'book'. 

S: I'm going to be the illustrator. 

Me: Are you going to be the writer AND the illustrator?

S: What's a writer?

Me: The person who writes the story. 

S: Oh. You mean the author. 

I got schooled. 

Tears of a Clown

Sam was crying and Daniel was curious...

D: Do your tears taste good?

S: Yeah. But they also taste weird. 

Snack time

S: Some people have brown skin and some people have white skin. (pause) If you eat too much chocolate your skin turns brown.

Apparently i've been trying REALLY hard to turn my skin brown. It isn't working.

Carn-omnivore

D to Me: I bet you like to get snuggles as much as I like meat.

By the way he was tearing through the chicken balls last night I like snuggles A LOT.