Naughty Boy

S: If you be on the naughtly list you get a rock for Christmas.

I asked him what someone would do with a rock if they got that for Christmas and he said very matter-of-factly "put it with their rock collection."

Duh. Of course.

I don't know how he got this way

This kid was seriously the worst baby ever - he cried all the time and the highlight of my day was when someone came over and took him away from me for even five minutes. And I felt like a horrible person for hating this screaming bundle of "joy". 

This is what he said to me this morning:

"I always feel like my heart is a puzzle and everyone I love is a piece and you're the final piece that make the puzzle complete."

Mr Clean

I was arguing with Sam about cleaning up his toys...

S: I can't because my arms are tired of picking up cars.
Me: Are you going to clean up the cars or are you going to sit on the steps?
S: (exasperated) Oh for the love of Pete!

Lost & Found

The school cleans out their lost and found a few times a year. Right now they have everything laid out on a few tables in the hallway by the office. I happened to be walking by the tables and I thought I'd have a quick look, just in case. 

I found three sweaters, two shirts and a pair of mitts. 

I wish I knew who I could blame for this but they both wear each others clothing so no such luck. 

Alone Time

Dec 9, 2011 (Sam 1 yr, Daniel 3 yrs)

Me: Daniel, Sammy is waving goodnight. Are you going to wave goodnight to him?

D: (In the bath) No.

Me: Why not?

D: I'm just playing with my balls. 

Me: You know that is something you need to do when you're by yourself. That's private. 

D: Can you leave please?

My Handyman

I was completely out of window washer fluid and, as I was driving with the boys, I realized that Danny filled it up for me.

Me: I'm a lucky lady. Daddy fixed it for me!
Daniel: Daddy is lucky too.
Me: Why is that?
Daniel: He had enough skills to trick you into marrying him.

The boy is wise beyond his years.

Aqua Man

Daniel was trying to help danny decide which superhero he should be.

D: I think you should be aqua man because he's better and he has big nipples.

Bottoms Up

Nov 30, 2013

D: You got a gigantic butt.

Me: Uh. Ok. 

D: It's the biggest butt in the whole world. 

Its a good thing he likes fat people.

The land down under

I had to tell Sam not to stick his finger in the cats butthole today.

That is all. Goodnight.

"This is my shoo away sadness stick."

Morning Snuggles

D: I don't want to hurt Dad's feelings but you're my favourite person to snuggle with in this bed. And not because you're floppy (read: squishy). I just feel you're emanating more love.