Friday, 12 August 2016

Call 1-900-Mix-a-lot

I let the boys each have a treat of orange pop today. I asked Daniel if I could have a sip of his and he let me because he knows that, even though I hardly ever drink it, I love me some Orange Crush. 

D: Woah. This has 160 calories in it. 
Me: Yup. 
D: Maybe that's why your butts so big!

Monday, 1 August 2016


Me: These are pictures of Auntie Danna and Uncle Chris' wedding. 
Sam: Ha. Boobies. Boobies are funny. 

Wednesday, 29 June 2016

My Shoe-per Kid

Sam wore his Crocs in the tub last night. 
He wore his socks and shoes to bed tonight. Nothing else.

Thursday, 23 June 2016

I'm Raising a Smartass

We were driving and saw a sign advertising a "Classy Trunk Sale".

Danny: I have no idea what a classy trunk sale is.
Daniel: Probably a trunk sale that's classy. 

Thursday, 16 June 2016

Sassy Monkey

Me: Sam, why did you bring three mailbags home from school? One of them isn't even yours. 
Sam: Mom, you should mind your own beeswax. 
Me: Your beeswax IS my beeswax. Go eat breakfast!

Monday, 6 June 2016

Dirty Digits

Me: Did you wash your hands?
S: No. 
Me: You put your finger in your bum, you need to wash your hands. 
S: I got it off with the wipe. 
Me: Go wash your hands with soap and water. 

Monday, 7 March 2016

I Think I'm Being Conned

S: In the summer I'm ticklish
Me: But in the winter you're not?
S: Yup. Only in the summer.

I better try twice as hard, just to make sure.

Friday, 4 March 2016

Stranger Danger

I was sending Daniel to the bathroom in Walmart by himself.
Wanting him to be safe, I said to him - "what are the rules?"

D: Don't go with anybody. (pause) But if someone gives me a video game I'll just take it. Because it's in their pocket.
Me: No.

Saturday, 20 February 2016

Tears of a clown

Sam was crying and then all of the sudden he got hysterical. I asked him what was wrong. 

S: I'm really sad I can never catch my tears. 
Me: What are you trying to catch them with?
S: My tongue. They always go wide.
Me: Why are you trying to catch them?
Sam: Because they really taste weird and I like to catch them. And I never seem to catch them - they always go wide. Why can my tongue not go wide?

My boy has big dreams. 

Friday, 19 February 2016

My wordsmith

Sam was writing a 'book'. 

S: I'm going to be the illustrator. 
Me: Are you going to be the writer AND the illustrator?
S: What's a writer?
Me: The person who writes the story. 
S: Oh. You mean the author. 

I got schooled.