Out of control

Sam ran into the bathroom in urgent need of the toilet. The little shit always waits until the last possible moment. 

Sam: That was crazy. The pee came shooting out. 

Me: If you got some pee on the seat use some toilet paper and clean it up. 

Sam: But I don't care.

Me: If you made a mess you need to clean it up. 

Sam: I wiped it on the wall. 

I live with savages. 

Luke, I am your...

Sam used to get SO mad when anyone called Danny his father. He absolutely denied It was true.

Recently he started telling us that his first father died - and that Danny is his second father. When questioned how his first father died he answered quite matter-of-factly that his first father was shot. When asked what his name was he said "Bill Nye".

Danny was at work today and I went down to the basement to dig out the boys rubber boots because it finally rained (yeah rain)!

When I was down there I heard Sam on the porch yelling "Dad!" He called out a couple of times. Then I heard him yell "Are you my dad?!" 

I'm 95% sure he was yelling across the street to our neighbour - who he sees all the time and SHOULD know is NOT his dad. (Hi Ben!)

I'm not exactly sure how he thinks this fatherhood thing works but I'm pretty sure Danny is starting to get traumatized. Either that or he is going to start asking himself some serious questions...

This guy! Xoxo. 

Young Drivers of Canada

Sam: Mom I need your car keys.
(I just looked at the boy...)
Sam: I have to get in the back door. 

Me: What are my car keys going to do?

Sam: I don't know. 

Tattle Tale

Sam: Daniels saying I'm not 5!

Me: Ok. Well you're not 5, you're 4. 

This shouldn't be news to him. He was SO MAD. 

Apparently it doesn't count

The Me: Did you pee in your pants at all today?

Sam: No. 

Me: Good. 

Sam: Just a little bit but it dried. 

Me: I though you said you didn't!

Sam: It dried!

He destroyed the cardboard one so I made him this badass shield. But not because he peed his pants. Because I love him, for some unknown reason. 

Party Time!

We were at Aubrey's birthday celebration yesterday and Jen packed up some leftover cake for Danny because he couldn't make it and she knows he has a sweet tooth.

When Danny got home Daniel leaned over and whispered into his ear: "You're lucky. You have a son. And a wife who brings you cake!"

He is lucky, but it's because I don't kill him in his sleep. (if you're reading this Danny, stop stealing the blankets!).

Things I never thought I'd have to say to someone 4

How about you eat your cereal instead of your boogers?

Old Fart

D: Am I six and a half?
Me: Yup.
D: Remember when I was five and three quarters? That was sooooo long ago.

Pee on a Tree

I took the boys to the park last night and Sam had to pee so i told him to go on a tree.

So far he seems incapable of doing that without dropping his pants to his ankles and fully exposing himself.

So he went pee. And then he was just standing there... and standing there. With his pants around his ankles. Then he starts shaking his hand, like hes trying to get something off of it. And then he starts wiping his hand on the tree.

That's when i broke and bellowed across the playground: "Sam, pull your pants up!"

It was a proud moment.

Mothers Day

Daniel: I love you three trillion hearts as big as the universe itself!

He drew me a picture of Iron Man shooting a bad guy with his repulsers.