The Love of a Big Brother

Daniel tried to convince be this morning that it wasn't his fault, when he grabbed his brothers head and pushed it towards the dining room table, that his brother bashed his head on the table. He was deadly serious. Asshole.

I think this might explan my Gr 1 teacher...

Daniel is mad that were 'making' him go to summer camp. He is worried that one of the leaders at the Y might be a monster from the underworld.

Sweet nothings

Danny: Did you hear what Daniel just said to me?

Me: No what?

Daniel: (whispering) I can see why you married her. 

Me: Why's that?

Daniel: Because you both have glasses. 

I'm not sure about that...

D: You know what mom, you're my girlfriend.

Me: I'm not sure I should have a boyfriend and a husband. I was Daddy's girlfriend before he tricked me into marrying him.

D: He didn't trick you. You asked for it!

Terrifying

S: The day before this day I had a dead body poo. 

Me: What made it a dead body poo?

S: It came out of my bum and it was cut off. (Pause). And it was kind of twirly. And I flushed it down the toilet and it went around and around and around. 

Social Conscience

D: I'm glad we live here and not in a place they strap kids to machines.

Me: What kind of place straps kids to machines?

D: Poor kids, you know, they have to make carpets. 

I'm assuming this has something to do with the fundraiser they had at school to raise money to buy goats for people in under-developed countries. 

Crushed It, Pt 2

Sam was getting out of the car and he wants to climb through the back hatch. 

Me: Don't step on my papers. What will happen if you do?

S: You'll crush me with your love?

Knock knock

S: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

S: Nobody. 

Me: Nobody who? 

S: Come on! Question mark. 

Yes, those are pants on his head. 

He takes after his Auntie Danna!

D: It's a good thing I'm a carnomnivore because this is a lot of meat!

Me: What is a carnomnivore?

D: A carnomnivore. The rarest of them all. I eat meat but I eat plants sometimes. I think I like meat better than plants. I'm a carnomnivore!

Telling it like it is

 It was bed time and I was tucking the boys in. Sam asked me to put his blankets on him.

Me: What kind of mom would I be if I didn't give you blankets?
Sam: A bad one.

Hot rod

D: Woah! We're beside a cherry red Ferrari!

Me: Well, it's a Nissan Altima but you're right, it is cherry red. 

I can see how he would get the two confused. 

Crushed it

Daniel was getting in the car and I asked him to be careful with some work papers that were beside his booster seat.

Me: Please be careful. (Jokingly) Don't squish my papers or I'll squish you. 

D: You don't squish me. 

Me: I don't? 

D: You don't squish me. You just crush me with your love. 

Sam: I don't want you to crush my brother!

D: With her love. 

Sam: I don't want you to crush my brother!

D: It just means she loves me a lot. 

Say what?

Work stories are officially being added to my ridiculous blog.

An owner called today to ask that we update her evacuation assistance form - which lets us know who will need help getting out of a building in case of fire etc. 

She wanted to add her turtle. HER TURTLE. He is 53 years old and she had him since he was a baby.

He got told

Sam: I told Daniel to mind his own beeswack!

I like to live dangerously....

Roll the dice... glue sticks or lip balm?