Um, thanks?

Sam: You're not a silly rascal any more. You're my real mom now.

What the flick?

S: Mom, wanna see me flick myself?

Me: Why are you flicking yourself?

S: Because my brain maked an invisible wall.

Me: Your brain made an invisible wall?

S: My brain makes an invisible wall every time I try to buckle my seat belt.

Deep Thoughts #68 (I'm giving them random numbers now)

S: If you don't get to go on the stool first, you just wait until the line is empty and BAM you get to go on.
(pause)
S: That was my idea I had last night.

I have no idea what he is talking about but hes right. If you wait until the line is empty BAM you get to go first.

My Precious Angel

Sam didn't like something I told him so he hit me.

Me: You need to go to your room.
Sam: (deep breath) I'm calmed down.
Me: You hit me - you need to go to your room.
Sam: (goes to his room, under serious protest)
Sam: (a minute later) I'm Sorry.
Me: Ok, i'll let you know when you can come out.
Sam: But I said I'm sorry! You need to let me come out now!
Me: You need to stay in your room.
Sam: You're treating me like a guinea pig!
Me: Ok.
Sam: If you come in here I am going to throw a blanket at you!

When I finally told him he could come out dad and Caitlyn were at the house - Caitlyn is watching the kids for the day and dad was dropping her off.

Me: (hoping for an apology) Is there something you want to say?
Sam: Hi Gwampa. Hi Caitlyn.
Me: Not quite what I had in mind, but ok.

Its a Rough Life

S: You can rub my armpits.
Me: Do to want me to?
S: Can you do both of them? Because they're really tired from opening and closing.

My Heart is Aflutter

We were getting ready this morning - Daniel is at day camp at the YMCA and Sam is spending the day with grandma.

D: Are you going to drop Sam or me off first this morning?
Me: I don't know. Why?
D: Because I know Sam likes spending time with you and I don't care about spending so much time with you.

What a thoughtful fellow. He just wants what is best for his brother.

Birthday Girl

We called grandma to say happy birthday this morning. While she was on the phone she had a small cough. 

Daniel asked grandma to hold on a minute and whispered in my ear.

D: I bet I know why she's coughing. 

Me: Why?

D: Because she's really old. 

My Master Debater

We were listening CBC's The Debaters in the car and the topic was funding for scientific research. They announced the winner and it was the pro-funding debater who won. 

D: Yes! If the other guy won I would be so pissed. 

Me: What?!?

D: If the other guy won I would be so pissed. I love science. 

Hairy McScary

Danny was trying to convince Sam to eat something so he told him that it would help him grow hair on his chest.

Sam: I don't want hair on my chest. Just my armpits. Like you dad.

I hope he doesn't want facial hair either or he'll be sorely disappointed. 

Gooey goodness

We were eating dinner the other night and I asked Danny to pass me some cheese. He was goofing around and tossed me a slice. Being the exceptional athlete that he is (i love you baby), it landed right in Sam's drink.

Being the good woman that I am, I tried to get Sam a fresh drink but he lost his ever-loving mind. Not because of the cheese in his drink but because I wanted to clean it up. He took a nice big drink of his cheese water (gag) then he fished the cheese out and ate it (double gag).

You can't make this shit up. 

Mr Clean

Sam was coming out of a public restroom and I asked him if he had used soap when he washed his hands. 

S: Yup. (pause) Good thing I didn't wash my hands in the toilet. 

This was an option??!?!? 

Edit:

My updated list of questions I have to ask my boys when they're returning from a trip to the bathroom:

1. Did you go to the bathroom? (Seems obvious but it isn't. The answer is sometimes 'no'.)

2. Did you flush the toilet?

3. Did you wash your hands? 

4. Did you wash your hands in the sink? (Why God??!?)

5. Did you use soap?

6. Can I smell your hands? (which is often followed by a groan from my boy and a trip back to the bathroom.)